Greg
Toronto, Ontario
The Healing Project
Featured Creator, February 2021
Greg’s Story
Content Warning: Sexual Assault, Suicide.
“The scariest moment of my life was my first week away in school. I realized that even though I was thousands of miles away, I wasn’t able to escape my abuser.”
My sexual abuse stopped because I went away to for university.
The physical abuse is bad. It can happen once. Or any number of times over months or years. But the sexual act ends. As horrible and as heinous as the sexual abuse is, it ends. And then it's over. And you’re left with the terrible memories and the repercussions of it.
The scariest moment of my life was my first week away in school. I realized that even though I was thousands of miles away, I wasn’t able to escape my abuser. Because it was now in my head and internalized.
I asked myself, why did it happen? Did I want it to happen? Did he pick me because I am weak? Am I weak? Did I invite this? How do I live my life from here on out?
“These thoughts are in your head forever. And it becomes a problem. The more you want them to go away, the more they come back. It’s all you can think about and you become your own self-abuser. And that is a very dangerous place to be.”
The first approach I took was to run away
I moved away for school and I pretended like it didn’t happen. For the first three decades after it happened, I blamed myself. Of course, I knew that child sexual assault was wrong and that my hockey coach shouldn’t be doing this. But I still blamed myself.
I got to a point where I really believed that the world would be better off without me being part of it. I thought that my own failures were negatively impacting my family. And that my daughter would be better off if I were no longer around.
When you’re sitting on a bridge contemplating whether you’re going to jump, you start to ask yourself the meaning of life. And for me, when I got up on that bridge, I realized there was enough inside of me to make my daughter’s life better.
“If you ever get to a point where you think about taking your own life, talk to somebody else. Even you at your worst is worth something to someone else, or even to yourself. Don’t make a decision when you’re at your worst.”
I finally forced myself to take a look back at the sexual abuse
I didn’t run from it. I was brutally honest with myself as to how it affected me, what it did to me, and who I became after. I dug more deeply into the past and I forgave myself for it.
The reality is that I fully anticipate that I’ll deal with this for the rest of my life. I’m better at dealing with this now than I was four decades ago or even five years ago.
“What I like to do is try to remember the me who I was before him.”
My therapist presented me with the concept of my life being a tapestry
A tapestry where you can't change the past, but you can effectively create your future. The past will be a part of that tapestry and you can't get rid of it, but you have the freedom to go forward and create whatever you want to create.
I’ve taken a leave from my career as a lawyer, and at age 57, I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do when I grow up.
“My greatest accomplishment in my life is accepting who I am. What happened to me. Becoming a loving partner and loving father. And who I can still become.”
Design Inspiration
If there’s one message I want you to carry with you, it’s that recovery isn’t a straight line.
And you have good days and you do have bad days. I think that what you try to do is put yourself in a position where the number of good days increasingly outnumber the bad, and eventually to a point where they vastly outnumber the bad to a point where the bad days become the anomaly.
I don’t blame myself as much now. That is the protection that I’ve added to my arsenal. It’s always going to be in the tapestry. But I no longer relentlessly take it out on myself and blame myself. I still do. I still have days where I do, but those are the bad days. I protect myself as I carry it forward.
The Healing Project:
The Healing Project was created to normalize the conversation around healing. We partnered with three individuals overcoming sexual trauma to share their healing journey with us and to design tote bags that continue the conversation.
Each Community Box includes three tote bags. You can select the designs at checkout. Every tote bag includes a matching sticker!
About the Tote:
The Classic Canvas Tote Bags are 100% heavy canvas, measure 15” x 15” x 3”, and are the perfect lifestyle tote for your everyday needs. Our Travel Tote Bags are also heavy canvas, measure 20” x 15” x 5”, and are wide enough to fit all of your travel and grocery needs.
We support local. Our tote bags were screenprinted in the Waterloo Region by a living wage employer and our labels were sewn on by a seamstress in Guelph.
Profit Sharing:
The Community Company is a social enterprise that is in the process of becoming a Certified B Corporation. We strongly believe in Linked Prosperity, meaning that as our business grows, our community of partners should benefit and grow alongside us. You can learn more about Our Promise here.
Our three Creators for The Healing Project were paid $50 for their time, and earn 5%-12% from every sale. Additionally, 10% of all revenue will be donated to our two charity partners on this project: Guelph-Wellington Women in Crisis and Sexual Assault and Support Centre Waterloo Region.